The Lords: a hilarious history of highs and lows
by slapstick.genius
Summary: Do you know that the surviving Lords of Llanview are all descended from a Walloon factory huckster and a multiracial newspaper heiress? Now think again! It's one of the most hilarious success stories in soap opera history.
1. Thomas Lord's beginning

Thomas Lord (aka Thomas Patrice Lode) was born in 1848, in a shanty near Brussels, Belgium to newly irreligious Walloon parents who were once Catholic. The parents, named Patrice and Hanne Lode, were depressed hucksters scuttering around with four much older surviving children until Thomas arrived into their world.

The four previous siblings all left Belgium for America, but none survived living there until Thomas broke the fourth wall via Ellis island and the Philly Line.

As a child, Thomas was a newspaper boy, surviving childhood scars from lotharios and other baddies alike. But he had an amazing ally, in the form of a pen pal named Errol Mersin, whose older brother was Alec. the three youngsters never spoke much English until they met for the first time at a toy factory, as teenaged hucksters.

The Mersin brothers retained their surname while Thomas changed his surname to Lord. That's because the name Lode sounded too Latino in a time when most people were casual racists and colourists. He was also unlucky because of his class status, until a curvy heiress to a local newspaper fortune saved his life from street conflict.


	2. Thomas Lord's Later Life

On a stormy night in 1871, Thomas Lord got stuck in a badly designed factory section full of gangsters. The gangsters were killing him with their rifles and daggers. Then a rebellious newspaper heiress named Tina Powell shot one of the hoodlums with a darn rifle and hanged up a rope for Thomas to climb on.

Voila! The rescue was a success! But the tensions between him, her and the fellow greedy Powells led to the Powell Company's demise and thereafter the arrest of her father Morris Powell for child abuse and assault. The tensions softened up with their marriage and the birth of only child Randolph Lord in 1876.

But they separated when Randy was a child. As a teen, Randy left the Philly line for the backwaters. In 1896, Thomas got murdered in defence by his former butler, the somehow younger Buck Buchanan, who himself confessed to the police about his deathly relationship with him, and that's all.


	3. Randy Lord, Highwayman

Randolph Ignatius Lord was a highwayman living in the Old West. He had brown eyes and brown hair, plus he sounded like the rather more recent Diamond Joe Quimby. He was interestingly a high earner as well, earning as much as about a billion frigging bucks by today's standards.

He met Josephine Scroggins, a fellow highwaywoman, in 1891, before his dad got murdered by his former butler. Mrs Josie Scroggins was also responsible for the excessive wealth more typical of subsequent offspring, because she was from a well off family of robbers.

Both weren't married, but nonetheless birthed an only child, a boy named Jacob Lord, in 1897. By the time Jacob was a child, they subsequently separated due to irreconcilable differences. Randy died of both physical and mental illnesses in 1942.


	4. Jacob Lord, Toxic Social Climber

By the time Jacob Lord became an adult, he worked so hard and subsequently climbed into the billionaire's row! He was frequently a joke to nearly everyone in Llanview. His mistress was also a bit of a social bully named Marnie Amanda Miller, even though both were teen friends before that. Both weren't frankly married.

They met in 1911 and birthed Clayton Powell Lord in September 12 1916. Gwendolyn came later, in March 15 1920. Victor Dalby Lord was possibly their youngest yet most infamous child, born in June 18 1926.

Jacob Lord was also frenemies with Nicholas Chandler and both heartily hated each other. In the last few years of his life, Jacob was even more toxic than Nicholas was in the 1960s, which is the technical reason why Victor couldn't talk about him! As a result of such toxicity being partly attributed to a genetically low tolerance on alcohol, Jacob died in 1956 of heart disease.


End file.
